Unexpected Love
by FreshInc
Summary: Buffy finally realized she had feelings for Willow. That made her run for it. Will she come back? Will they live happily ever after?
1. Chapter 1

**_A/N: So this is my first story. And well, I just hope you will enjoy reading it. Please let me know about any mistakes you might detect, and I will take care of it as soon as possible._**

It was a rather usual day in Sunnydale. Buffy and her friends Xander and Willow was in the library looking up demons and other curious things they might need to know at some point later. It was their last day of school before spring break and they were all looking forward to days of just hanging around like normal kids, well, as normal as they could be. At night they would of course be slaying vampires and other evil creatures like they always did. Buffy could hardly wait to hang out at the mall all day.

"Hey Buff, would you like to join me and Willow for a movie and pizza tonight? You know, celebrate the beginning of the break and stuff?" Xander asked in a hopeful voice.

"Oh, I wish I could, but you know, got to do some dusting tonight. Sorry, guys. Maybe next time." Buffy answered, with sort of a sad voice. She really was sorry, she wanted to spend some time with her friends. Specially Willow. Oh, how she missed spending time with her very best friend. She could tell Willow everything. They could spend hours upon hours talking about guys, school, guys and more guys. With Xander, the guys talk would always end with Xander telling Buffy how nobody ever would be good enough for her.

Giles interrupted Buffy's line of thoughts; "Y-y-you know Buff, just go ahead, spend some time with your friends, c-c-could do you some good, I'm sure. I-I-I can deal with the patrolling tonight. I-it's not like I expect someone to rise tonight, s-so it should be a fairly quiet night tonight."

All of the kids looked funny at Giles, they couldn't believe what they had just heard.

"Giles? Are you feeling well? I mean, you do realize what you just said, right?" Buffy said, kind of worried

"I-I-I'm feeling just fine, thank you. I-I-I just thought it was time for you to get o-o-one night off. B-b-but of course, i-i-if you don't want to, you can go patrolling tonight." Giles said. He knew she wanted to go with them, he rarely gave her a night off, and she had been doing really well lately, she deserved a night off.

Buffy and the others still looked at Giles like he had gone completely mad. They stared at him like that for about half a minute before Buffy said; "For real? I can take the whole night off? Just like that?" Buffy was really surprised, she couldn't believe what Giles just said. It was just too good to be true.  
>"Y-y-yes. Just like that. Yes. Well, no, not just like that. There is just one thing. J-j-just in.."<br>"I knew it" Buffy said. ""There is always something" Buffy rolled her eyes and sighed while she said this.  
>"Would you please just let me finish? I just want you to carry this beeper. Just in case something should happen and I would need your assistance. You probably won't even need it. It's just in case." Giles said while he found a small beeper from one of his pockets and handed it to Buffy. Buffy took it and looked at it from all angles while she said; "Fine. I'll take it. Just because you say I probably won't need it"<br>"Good, good" Giles said while he turned around and went to the bookshelves to find another book.

Later that night Buffy sat between Xander and Willow in Xander's basement. This felt good. It was something she should be allowed to do more often than she was at the moment. But then again, when it was such a rare reward, she also believed that she might appreciate it more when it first happened. Buffy looked at them both, first Willow, then Xander, then back to Willow. She smiled. Willow looked back at Buffy and asked her what she was smiling like that about. Buffy told her she was just happy to spend some quality time with her best friends. Willow smiled back at her and told her how happy she was about this too, how badly she had missed spending time with Buffy and it was a nice change from just being with Xander. Buffy smiled. Sure, they spent a lot of time together at night patrolling and stuff, but it wasn't quite the same as just hanging out like this. It was great.

Willow leaned her head towards Buffy's shoulder. Buffy looked down at Willow and saw Willow looking back up at her. They smiled at each other. Neither one of them wanted to admit how much they liked being this close to each other. How much they wish they had more time alone. They both sighed. Willow moved her hand closer to Buffy, Buffy did the same thing at the same time. Their hands touched and they looked at each other, smiling. Willow laid her hand in Buffy's and they sat like that until they had all fallen asleep in front of the TV. Xander they had forgotten all about.

All of a sudden Buffy woke up. It was dark outside and the TV was showing a snowstorm. She wasn't sure why she had woken up. At first she thought it was because Xander had let a major snore in her ear, then she realized it was because the beeper was making a horrible noise. She was about to stand up and get it when she noticed that Willow was leaning on her and still holding her hand. Buffy smiled a happy smile, she couldn't help it, it just felt right. She carefully stood up without moving Willow too much. Once she was up, she leaned back down and kissed Willow on her forehead. Willow moved a little bit and smiled in her sleep. "What is it about her?" Buffy thought. "Why am I feeling like this? We're just friends, right?" Buffy took one last glance at her before she turned to her coat and found the beeper. It was Giles. She put on her coat and got ready to leave. She didn't hear Willow waking up and walk towards her. Buffy jumped when Willow spoke; "Where are you going? Did Giles call for you?"  
>"Yeah. Sorry. Got to go. I'll come back here when I'm finished with whatever Giles want. I promise" Buffy said while looking at Willow. At the same time she was wondering how to act. Should she grab her hand while they spoke? Should she give her a hug before she left? Should she kiss her goodbye? What should she do?<br>"I'll come with you. I'm sure Giles could need all the help he can get" Willow said excited. Willow wasn't sure how to act either. She wanted to hold her hand.  
>"Look, Willow. I know you have been with me at these things before, but this is probably nothing. I'm sure Giles just want to check if I pay attention or something. So you just stay here and wait, and I'll be back soon. Okay? I'll leave the beeper behind, and I'll page you if there is a need for you guys. Okay?" Buffy said<br>"Okay. Just, you know, do your thing. Kick their ass and stuff", Willow said while she smiled.  
>"Sure thing" Buffy smiled when she said it. She couldn't help smiling when she saw Willow smile. What was going on?<p>

Buffy turned to walk out the door when she felt Willow grab her hand and pull her closer to herself. All of a sudden Buffy forgot about everything she was supposed to be doing, all she could think of, was the fact that she had never been this close to Willow, not like this. They had been hugging and stuff, but the way they were close now, never before. Buffy kept a small battle inside her head, should she say anything? Should she wait for Willow to say anything? Should she make a move? Or wait for her to make one? This apparently made her look a little distant, because all of a sudden she heard Willow say something. She couldn't quite figure out what it was at first, but when Willow repeated what she said, Buffy paid attention; "What's up? What are you thinking about? Does this feel wrong to you? Because, you know, I could just back up, and we can pretend this never happened, you know?" Willow looked slightly worried. She was afraid Buffy would push her away and never speak to her again or something. Buffy shakes her head slowly when she's answering Willow; "No. No, no. This feels very good. I think I like being close to you like this. I'm just trying to figure out my next move, or if I should wait for you or, you know. Just trying to figure out what happens next" Buffy can see Willow cracking up a really big smile. Willow is barely whispering when she speaks next; "Well, I know what I want to happen next". Willow looks at Buffy, she realizes that Buffy is slightly taller than her, but that could be because Buffy is wearing shoes. Willow is holding Buffy's arm. She slides her hand down so she holds her hand instead and then she uses her other hand to touch Buffy's cheek. Willow gently strokes her cheek, looks her in the eyes, and then she kisses Buffy.  
>Buffy forgets about everything else. Nothing matters anymore, and she's pretty sure she never have to worry about anything else in the world. She's sure that if this stops, the kiss, the world will end. Her head is spinning, at least that's how it felt like. Buffy could feel that she laid one of her arms around Willow's neck, and the other one around her waist.<br>"This kiss," Willow thought, "is fantastic. It has to be the best one ever. I just wish it could last. I wish she didn't have to leave. I just want to feel her. That's all I need right now, her." Willow pulled away. She knew that if she let Buffy go now, go help Giles with whatever, she would be back sooner, and then they could see what happened next.  
>Buffy was sad when Willow pulled away. But also happy, because then she could look at her again, see that beautiful smile of hers. They could lie down somewhere, Xander's bed, perhaps, and just lie there, and see what happened next. Yeah, that would be nice.<p>

Willow was the first to speak; "you should go, now. We can talk about this when you get back. I'll wait for you here"  
>Buffy looked slightly confused at the words. Where was she supposed to go? She wasn't needed anywhere but next to Willow, was she? Then all of a sudden she remembered; "Oh. Right. Giles. Okay. I'll go. I'll be back soon, I promise. We need to talk about what this means and stuff. Alright. Giles. Okay. Bye, then". Buffy gave Willow one last, quick kiss on the lips, that was enough to make her head spin. "Wow! Her lips, they are so soft and perfect" Buffy thought.<br>"Okay. Bye". Willow said weakly when Buffy had just walked out the door. She wasn't sure what she was thinking about, but she was sure this was the right thing. It just had to be. She couldn't stop smiling.  
>Willow went over to Xander's bed and decided to read one of his Superman comics while she waited for Buffy to return.<p>

Willow wasn't even halfway through the comic before she fell asleep again. She had only been sleeping for about an hour or so when Buffy returned. Buffy wasn't sure if she should wake Willow, or just let her sleep. They could do the talk later. She decided to go into Xander's kitchen and make herself a cup of coffee, it wasn't like she would be able to go back to sleep anyways, not now when she was so distracted.

*CRASH*

"SHIT!" Buffy said out loud. Maybe a little too loud. She had dropped a cup to the floor. Of course it broke, but did it have to break so loud? Buffy was cursing quietly by herself and didn't hear Willow coming up behind her. "You okay, Buff?"  
>"SHIT!" Buffy jumped and turned around, she saw Willow standing in the doorway; "Jeez, Will! You should know better than scaring me like that".<br>"Oh. I'm sorry. I thought you heard me come", Willow apologized. Buffy took a couple of steps towards Willow and spoke; "Doesn't matter, I guess. Would you like some coffee? I'm about to make me some myself, and we could sit outside, you know, talk about what happened earlier. We should talk about it, right?" Buffy said in a little insecure voice.  
>"Uhh. Yeah. Sure. I mean, I don't know. Uhh. Coffee sounds good. Coffee outside is good. Yes", Willow said with her usual nervous babbling. Buffy turned around to find two cups and pour them both a cup. Buffy turned back towards Willow to hand her one of the cups. Their hands met when Willow reached for the cup. They looked up at each other and they both gave the other one a small, little shy smile. They both wanted more than a little touch like that, but neither one of them dared to say anything, just in case.<p>

A few minutes later, they sat outside. They hadn't bothered to find themselves chairs, so they just sat on the lawn, facing each other.  
>"So, uh. What did Giles want?" Willow asked, just to get the conversation started.<br>"Oh. Uh, he just wanted to check if I was paying any attention to the beeper. So it wasn't really necessary to go there in the first place. I could've just stayed. Give him a phone call or something. That's what he expected me to do. Just call." Buffy stared down at her cup while she answered. She couldn't get herself to look at Willow, even though she wanted to.

They sat there for a couple of minutes. Not saying a word. They both wanted the other to say something. Anything at all, but preferably about the kiss. Neither one of them was sure of what they should say, they just knew that they needed to talk about it, what it meant.

Willow was the first one to break the silence; "Look, Buff.. About what happened before, when you were about to leave, I mean. The kiss. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done it, I don't know what came over me. I'm sorry."  
>Buffy looked up at Willow when she spoke, trying to figure out what the words meant, did she regret it? She noticed for the first time how innocent and fragile Willow looked. Why hadn't she noticed that before? It was so obvious. Everything about her screamed vulnerable.<br>Buffy spoke, the words just fell out of her, she didn't even notice it until she was almost finished; "Will, don't apologize. I don't mind. I don't mind it happening. Honestly."  
>"Well, I don't know. I just guess it seemed like the right thing to do. Apologize, I mean" Willow looked down at her hands, she looked so vulnerable.<br>"Why do you feel the need to apologize? Do you regret it? Wish it never happened?" Buffy moved a few inches. Now she sat next to Willow. She put one hand on Willow's thigh, honestly worried about why Willow apologized. She couldn't understand her action, but she felt like it was the right thing to do, but she was worried about what Willow would do next because of it.  
>"No Buffy. I don't regret it, don't ever think I do. I'm so glad it happened, I have been wanting to do it for a long time. I just thought, you know, maybe you didn't want it to happen. You know, with Angel and everything." Willow smiled when she saw Buffy's hand on her thigh and laid her own on top of hers. It felt good. Right, somehow.<br>"Look, Will. If I didn't want it, would I have kissed you back then? Isn't it more likely that I would have pushed you away, and asked you what the hell you were doing? Truth is, I was thinking about kissing you myself before I tried to leave the first time, I just didn't have the guts to do it". Buffy hesitated for about half a second before she looked at Willow's face and said; "So, would you now just please give me one of those beautiful smiles of yours and stop worrying about it? I wanted it, and I wouldn't want to change it for anything".  
>Willow looked up at Buffy, she couldn't help herself, she just had to smile, whether she wanted to or not. There was just something about Buffy that made her smile, no matter what.<p>

Buffy couldn't help herself. She had to touch her. When Willow looked at her like that, with that smile, she looked so fragile, so broken. She felt an sudden urge to protect her, to do anything to make her not so fragile anymore. Buffy raised one hand to Willows face and just enjoyed the feeling of the contact. Willow leaned her forehead to Buffy's and looked at her. They sat like that for a couple of minutes without saying anything, without noticing anything. Suddenly Buffy whispered, so low that Willow barely heard what she said; "Care to continue where we broke off earlier?" Willow didn't even have time to fully understand what Buffy had said before Buffy's lips found hers.


	2. Chapter 2

_-Willow's POV-_

What I felt when Buffy kissed me, I can't even begin to describe it. It was amazing. Her lips were so soft against mine. They were so tender, as if she was afraid to hurt me or something. I wanted more. I could feel my lips craving hers, no more feather kisses. I crushed my lips against hers, showing her that I wanted this, her, badly. I could hear her moans coming from somewhere down her throat. It was such a lovely sound.

I had never kissed a girl before. I had never even fantasized about it. I had been in love with Xander for years now, but he had always made it clear that we were just friends. But now, all of a sudden, I lay here on Xander's lawn, making out with Buffy. What the hell happened? I had known Buffy for about 3 years now, and never had I even thought of kissing her, not even for fun.

I felt Buffy's hand moving under my sweater and touch my belly. This was just too good to be true. Did she want more than just kissing? Damn. This was no good, not at all. I was making progress with Xander, and she was with Angel.  
>I felt myself pull away from her, I didn't really want to, but this was wrong, so wrong.<p>

Buffy looked at me with a look that clearly said "Don't you want this? I do".  
>"Look, Buff. This is wrong. I mean, it feels good and like it should happen and everything, but this is just wrong. I mean, you're with Angel and I'm having progress with Xander and everything, we both are into guys and stuff. This shouldn't happen. I mean, you're cheating on Angel right now, and I know how you feel about cheating. I want this, don't get me wrong, but this is not right, it can't be".<br>Buffy blushed, but at the same time she looked angry. Like she was having an inner battle.  
>"Yeah, I'm sorry. I really don't know what just happened. We should just forget it, I guess. Pretend like it never happened, or something."<br>"That's not what I meant, and you know it. Don't be sorry about it. I'm glad it happened. I think. I mean.. Jeez. I don't know what I mean. It's just that it was great, but it probably shouldn't happen again. We don't have to forget it. I know I won't. It was great, just wrong. Know what I mean?"  
>"Yeah. I guess. We just got caught in the moment. Again" Buffy laughed. It was a short, sort of mechanical laugh.<p>

I looked at Buffy. I felt so sorry for her. It was like she really wanted this, wanted to kiss me and feel me. Like it didn't matter to her that she was with Angel, and that made me feel even worse for breaking off the kiss.

"Look, Buffy. I want this, I really enjoyed kissing you and all that, but it's just too wrong. It shouldn't happen. We are friends. I consider you my best friend, and I would hate to ruin it by.. Whatever we are doing. I really don't want to lose you. I'm sorry. I really am."  
>I looked at Buffy hoping she could see how sorry I was in my eyes. But of course she was just looking at the ground, playing with a few strings of grass. I hated seeing her like this, it always made her look so vulnerable. I had always thought of her as some kind of a super girl, inhuman, kind of. But when she was like this, she looked so human, like any thing could break her.<p>

"It doesn't matter. You're right. It should never have happened. We are just friends, and I have Angel. You are totally right". She was barely whispering when she said this, and it broke my heart even more. Her voice sounded like she was struggling to keep her tears away. For what reason, I couldn't figure out, but the tears were there, hiding, fighting. And that had me worried, really worried.

We got back inside, not saying another word. You could feel the tension in the air between us, but we just pretended it wasn't there.  
>When we got inside, I decided to go to bed, so I crawled into Xander's bed and pulled the sheets over me. I looked up at Buffy and asked her if she wanted to sleep there too. That's what we normally do. At least that's what we usually did, up until now. She just looked at me and shook her head; "Nah, I'm gonna have another coffee, and then I'm just gonna crash on the floor or something. I wouldn't want to wake you up when I'm gonna go sleep."<br>"Look, Buff. I understand that this is awkward, what happened outside and before and stuff, but don't let it ruin everything. We can just go on like we always have. We always shared bed at sleepovers, it doesn't have to be…"  
>"Just drop it, Will", she almost shouted. "It has nothing to do with what happened earlier. I just don't want to wake you up when I decide to crash. That's all. Just.. Just drop it, okay?"<br>"Fine. I'll drop it. Don't get mad at me. I just said it doesn't have to get awkward or anything. Relax". And with that said I lay down and turned around, my back now facing Buffy. If she wanted to act like that, fine by me. I'm not going to bother with it.


	3. Chapter 3

_**A/N: Took me a while to get this chapter finished, but I sort of lost all inspiration to write this, but I can feel it coming back to me again now.**_

_**Please read and review, but most importantly, please enjoy :)**_

_**-Buffy's POV-**_

Willow had gone to sleep now. At least I think she was sleeping. She had asked me to sleep in Xander's bed with her. I mean, it's no big deal, we usually does it that way. But this time it was different. We had just kissed, and, well, maybe I did get a little carried on with it, but it wasn't like I didn't want it. I mean, even if it had happened sooner or later, I would still want it to happen. Damn, I had wanted this to happen since I first met her. I had never had an interest in girls before, I mean, I had always known who I would consider beautiful if I was into girls, but I never had been. Not until I met Willow three years ago.

_-Flashback—_

_I walked out of my mom's car outside the local school. My new school. It was sunny. Of course it was, it wasn't for no reason this stupid place was called Sunnydale. We had moved here two days ago, and I already hated the place. It was a small place, and everyone already knew each other. And to make it even better, it was in the middle of the school year. Great, I was the new girl in the middle of the school year. It couldn't get any worse than this. Back in L.A, I had been the popular cheerleader, the girl everyone wanted to be seen with. But here, I would be nothing. This stupid place probably didn't even have any teams to cheer on. God, this was so fucked up. I hated my mom for moving us here. Stupid job she had been offered here.  
>My first steps into the school ground were awful. Everyone stared at me and pointed. At least that's what it felt like. I didn't know what to do, so I just stared at the ground and walked as fast as I could inside to find some sort of an office where I could get my schedule.<em>

_I had just walked out of the office, and was walking with my nose in the map I had been handed so I would find my classes easier. I wasn't paying much attention to my surroundings, and suddenly I was forced to stop. I lost my balance and almost fell to the floor. A hand grabbed my shoulder, keeping me from falling down, _

"_Oh, I-I'm sorry. I wasn't paying attention. I'm sorry", she sounded almost afraid, and nervous. I liked her, she was different from everyone else I had ever known, besides, she was good looking, perhaps a little geeky. I guess that's what I found charming about her right away. She seemed to be some kind of a misfit, actually. Good, if she was, then I could try to befriend her._

_I had already decided not to try to become as popular here, as I had been in L.A. Sure, I would try out for the cheerleading team, but I wanted to stay away from the popular ones. I was tired of those. Besides, I was a different person now. I hunted vampires at night, I guess I wouldn't have time for much social life anyway._

"_It's okay," I replied to her, "I was walking with my nose in this map, so I guess it was my fault". I was about to walk on when she continued to speak. That was unusual for me, I was used to people just apologizing and walk on when they ran down strangers, "So you are the new girl, then?". I nodded. How did she know I was the new student? I guess this was a smaller school than I had first imagined, then. The girl reached out a hand towards me, "Hello, then. I'm Willow Rosenberg. Would you like some help finding your class?". I gave her a dazzled look, but reached out my hand to shake hers, "Uhm. Hi. I'm Buffy Summers. Nice to meet you. And yes, I would like some help. If you don't mind". She seemed to light up at this. My best guess, not too many friends, and people spoke with her at all._

"_Oh, no. I would be happy to help you out at your first day. People don't really speak with me, so it's nice when someone new arrives, someone who hasn't spoken with Cordelia and her friends already. They seem to have it as their mission of life to make everyone else's life miserable. Oh, and I tend to blabber when I'm nervous and when I speak with strangers, so just feel free to stop me at any moment. It's kind of embarrassing, really, especially with strangers. I just talk, and I talk and…"_

"_Yeah, Willow? Would you mind just showing me my class? At least for now"._

_She nodded eagerly, "Oh, right. Class. What do you have?" she looked at my sheet and continued; "Oh, English with Mr. Johnson. He's cool. You're lucky you got him. Well, follow me, I'm teaching computer science next to your class". _

_I stopped. She certainly didn't look old enough to teach first grade English, and absolutely not high school computer science._

"_Wait. Teach? I thought you were a student?". She chuckled and stopped along with me, "Yes, I'm a student, but I also teach. Only computer science, though. Principal Snyder hasn't been able to get a new teacher yet, so it's only temporary, but I'm happy with it. I love teaching and I think it's good practice for the future and stuff". Ah, this made more sense now. Sort of._

"_I never heard of students teaching before. Is that normal?". We began to walk again, "No, not really. I just offered, and because I have free periods when I teach, I could do it. And it feels good to have a job and earn some cash. It's a good way to save some college money, you know"._

"_Yeah. Uhm. Can we find my class now? I think we are about to run late". She looked at her watch and began to run, "Shoot!. Come on, Buffy. We need to run._

_A few moments later, we were standing outside the classrooms. "Good luck with your first day. I'm sure I'll see you around soon enough", she waved me goodbye and went to her classroom. I awkwardly waved back at her as she went inside and out of my sight.  
>I headed in to my own class, and took a seat as far back in the classroom as I possibly could. I sat between a guy, he seemed to be trying too hard to be funny and make everyone laugh, and on my other side, I had a girl, she seemed to think she owned the whole world. I decided to ignore them both, neither one of them seemed to be a kind of person I would like to have anything to do with. No, I was fine with Willow, I didn't need anyone else. I was just going to settle here for now, and then get out of here as soon as possible. I hated this place more than anything I could ever imagine.<em>

_During class, nothing much really happened. Mr. Johnson just talked about some boring book I never would read anyway.  
>During the entire I class, I just sat there doodling and thinking about everything else. Especially that cute girl I ran into, Willow.<em>

_-End flashback—_

I headed back outside again and punched my fist hard into a tree. The whole tree shook like a leaf in the October wind. I hated this, why did I have to fall for her in the first place? Why couldn't I have fallen for the hot guy on the football team? Why did it have to be the geeky loner girl? God. I just wanted to scream my lungs out and just run away.

Rewind a second. Run away? Could that be the answer? Just run away from everything? Vampires, death, demons and.. Willow. Yes, that was it. I would run away and never come back. Yes, that would be the best thing to do. Then Willow could live happily ever after with Xander, and everyone would be happy.

I would run away. And it was going to happen tonight.


	4. Chapter 4

_**I'm so sorry it has taken so long to update this story, but I have been working a lot, and I have been attacked by a case of writers block. But I think I'm feeling better now, and I should be able to upload the next chapter sometime next week at latest :) **_

_**Now, please read and enjoy this chapter, at least. It's from Buffy's POV :)**_

I silently ran inside as quickly as I possibly could without waking either one of them. Well, Willow at least, there wasn't really possible to wake Xander that easily.  
>I headed straight to the kitchen where I knew I had seen a notebook and a pen earlier. I found a blank page and began to write a note:<p>

_Willow,_

_I'm really sorry for this, but I need to do it. I can't stay any longer. Please don't blame yourself, it's not your fault.  
>Please tell mum I love her. And tell Giles I'm really sorry.<em>

_And for you, I have to do this. I need to figure out what all of this means. Whatever 'this' is. And I'm sorry I kissed you earlier. I shouldn't have done it, it was just wrong of me._

_I'll see if I can write you a letter or something later, when I'm ready for it._

_I love you, Willow. I have done since the day I first ran in to you._

_Goodbye._

_xBuffy_

I read the letter over once more and noticed how shaky my handwriting had become at the  
>end. I shed a single tear as I folded the letter. On the outside I wrote a name, "<em>Willow"<em>. I went to the bed where she was asleep. She was breathing deeply, and her eyes were moving, she was dreaming. Suddenly she smiled and stretched her hand out. It had to be a pleasant dream. Maybe she dreamt about me? NO! I mentally slapped myself at this thought. I wasn't going to allow myself thoughts like that. I was going to run away from everything, from her, I couldn't think like that.  
>I stuck the letter in her open hand, hoping it would still be there when she woke up in the morning.<br>I gave her a kiss on her forehead, soft enough to make sure she didn't wake up. That would ruin everything. Then I ran away from there as fast as I could.

I dropped by my house first, I had some savings there, and I needed some clothes as well. I packed everything in a bag before I jumped back out of my window and ran. Just ran with no real idea where I was going.

After about an hour of running, I noticed some headlights far behind me. I just kept on running and decided to see if I could catch a ride with whoever was in the car.  
>It was about five minutes later when the car reached me, I could easily hear it slowing down and I felt my legs slowing down too. I hadn't noticed until now that I was getting tired, my breathing was heavier and my legs were starting to ache.<br>The car pulled up to my side and the window was rolled down. The stranger was very blonde, and he spoke with a British accent, "Hi there. Would you like a lift somewhere? That bag seems a little heavy just for a run", the stranger asked. He seemed polite. I thought about it for a moment, wondering if it really was such a good idea to catch a ride with a stranger, after all. But then again, I was the slayer. I could easily take him out if he tried to pull something off.  
>I nodded at him, "Yeah, sure. Where are you heading?"<br>"I'm heading east. No really going anywhere right now, just following the road, you know". I nodded to him again, "alright, I'm in". I walked around the car and got in, throwing my bag to the backseat over the front seat. The stranger stepped the pedal and we were speeding down the road, heading to nowhere special, really.  
>This was the right choice, the right thing to do. It had to be.<p>

Some hours later, the sun was about to rise again, and I felt myself waking up. I hadn't even noticed I had fallen asleep in the first place.  
>I had slid down in the seat, so now I straightened up, and rubbed my eyes, "Oh god. I'm so sorry for falling asleep". The stranger chuckled, "it's fine. Hey, want to pull over here? We could get a proper bed to sleep in and a meal. Up for it?". I shook my head, !"No need. I'll drive, and I'll buy us some breakfast later, there is this great place somewhere around here. They have an amazing breakfast menu. I was there a while ago with a few friends". He shook his head fast, "No, no. We should both get some rest in here and then something to eat. We can drive again later. Besides, you don't even look old enough to have a driver's license, so unless you have that, nobody but me will drive this car".<p>

Okay, this guy sounded a little too panicked about the car and driving on during the day. I'll give him another night. If he's panicked like this tomorrow as well, I'll just assume he's a vampire, and I'll handle it from there. Christ, sometimes I really hate to be the slayer. Never a peace of mind.

Speaking of mind. My thoughts went back to Willow. I wondered if she was awake yet. Maybe she was about to wake now, and had noticed my letter. Maybe this moment she was blaming herself for me leaving. Well, she was sort of right, if she did. It was because of her, just not like that. We could never be together, I was too bad for her. I never knew if I would survive the night, how should I be able to build a future with her then? Well, plan, at least. I would never even make it to 20, much less older, old enough to settle with her for good. I just couldn't do that to her. She deserves so much better than that.

The stranger pulled over and parked outside the small motel. As we got out of the car, I came to think of something. I turned to him and asked, "hey, what's your name? I never asked, and if we are keeping each other company for a while, maybe we should know?"  
>He chuckled, "You're right. I'm Spike. What's your name?". I reached out a hand towards him, "I'm Buffy. Nice to meet you, Spike". He reached his hand out too and shook mine. We smiled at each other and headed in to the motel to get rooms and food.<br>Come to think of it, I was very hungry. I should get some food right away. After all I had been sleeping for a few hours now, so I didn't feel the need of sleeping any more, not right now, at least.  
>Spike had insisted we had separate rooms. He would even pay for both rooms. I didn't really mind that, I figured he was either really old fashioned, gay or he snored. And with separate rooms, meant that I would be able to get some alone time. I really needed that now.<br>But first, I needed food.

I headed down to the cafeteria and ordered some food. Just some sandwiches. I didn't want to eat too much now. I sat down and ate, just trying to figure out my next move. Where should I go? I could go to New York. I would be able to hide there, I could afford a small place, at least for a month. I could get a job.  
>New York was big. I could easily disappear. I could use a different name. I could use my middle name, Anne. I could do this. It was easy. I would go to New York, and I would stay there. I had found my place, and I hoped Giles would find a new slayer soon, because I sure as hell wouldn't be slaying anything but sandwiches in the future, that's for sure.<p>

When I had finished my meal, I headed back up to my room. Might as well try to get some sleep when I first have a proper bed.  
>I lay down on the bed and tried to sleep. After a while I was somewhere between awake and asleep. Well, better than nothing, at least.<br>A couple of hours of snoozing like this, someone knocked on the door, "Buffy? Are you awake? Are you hungry?", a very British voice asked. I groaned, I was sure I was just about to fall properly asleep. At least it felt that way. "Hang on", I answered groggily. I stood up from the bed and shuffled over to the door and opened it. Spike was leaning on the doorframe on the other side, and looked rather handsome in his leather jacket and jeans.  
>"You hungry?", he asked me again. I nodded, "Yeah, just hang on for a second, and I'll get dressed". I closed the door and got dressed in just a couple of moments.<p>

A few minutes later, we were down in the dining area getting ourselves something to eat and coffee each.  
>We sat at a table, across from each other. The first few moments went by in silence, we just ate, but not for long. Spike broke the silence a few minutes into the meal, "So, why are you running away? What are you running away from?", he asked me curiously. He shoved another fork of scrambled eggs in his mouth as he looked at me, waiting for my answer.<br>I put down my sandwich and stared at it, "I'm not running away from anything, I just needed some time away". My voice was barely a whisper. His question had got me thinking of Willow, and thinking of Willow, made me wondering if I had done the right thing, kissing her, and then run away.  
>I'm so fucked up.<p>

Spike raised an eyebrow at me and swallowed, "Right. Who's the bloke, then?", she stuffed some more eggs in his mouth and continued to look at me.  
>"It's nobody, it's nothing either. I just needed some time away from everything. My life has been pretty tough lately". Yeah, that was a good answer. He would buy that one. He had to buy it. I really didn't want to tell him about Willow, and I sure as hell couldn't tell him about the slaying. Good thing he was only my ride, and not supposed to be a part of my life for the rest of the short life I would have.<p>

"Not a bloke then, huh? Is it a chick, then?".  
>I groaned and swallowed down another bite of my sandwich before I put it back down, half eaten and stood up, "I'm gonna get my stuff together. We should get back on the road again soon".<p>

He shook his head, "No, I need to get a few more hours of sleep, but why don't you go for a walk or something? Find a mall or whatever, and we can meet here in a few hours, let's say around 9 tonight? Feel free to borrow the car, if you wish. Well, if you have a drivers license, then?". He reached out a hand to see a license. I was glad I had got mine just two days ago, that way I would be able to borrow his car, and then maybe we could drive a little more, instead of sleeping in motels and such. I hated motels. "I'll be right back".  
>I ran back up to my room and got my wallet. I looked around the room, and noticed I had nothing left in the room that belonged to me, nothing but my toothbrush.<br>A plan began to take shape in my head, and I smiled to myself.

I went back down stairs and found him by the entrance, he had moved away. From the sunlight. It only made me more suspicious of him.  
>He smiled at me and reached out his hand once again to see my driver's license. I showed it to him, "got it a couple of days ago", I said with a wide grin on my face.<br>He nodded and went for his pocket, he pulled out his car keys and held them up,

"do I have your word that you will return with it in a few hours? After all, I picked you up only hours ago and you were running along the road, I have no proof that you are not a thief or a murderer or anything like that. How can I trust you to come back with the car?"

Fuck. Why did he have to think of that? Why couldn't he be an idiot and just assume I would come back? Alright. How do I get him to trust me?

"I'll give you my whole name and my mother's address. That way you can turn me in to the police and have me arrested or something if I don't return your car. I'm on the run, yes, but not from the law. That way, if the police catches me, I will be forced to return, is that enough? I really don't have anything but that for now".

He thought about it. Please let him be an idiot and go for it. Please, please, please!

"Do you have anything of value? Something you can't afford to leave behind? That, name, and address and you can borrow the car"

Fuck! He was smarter than he looked, that's for sure. Fuck, did I have anything that could seem valuable, but something I could leave behind? I thought about it for a moment, then it hit me. I reached for my pocket and handed him the beeper Giles had given me a couple of days earlier,

"Here, it's my beeper. Seems like a bad idea when you are running away, right?"

He took it, raised an eyebrow and looked at it, "why would you need a beeper if you are running away? Give me one hell of an explanation to why it's important to you, and I'll accept it. If it's good enough".

Christ. This guy really was smarter than he should be. An explanation? What should I tell him? Something good, something he would go for.

"It's the only way I can tell if.. someone really cares that I'm gone. I really need to know. Trust me, it's important to me, it's just really difficult to explain. Besides, if I go back, my mum would kill be beyond killing if I don't have it. Trust me, it's not something I want to risk".

He was thinking again. Jesus, why did he have to be so smart? Why couldn't he be an idiot and just let me go?

Finally he nodded,

"Aright. Give me your name and address, and you can have it while I sleep".

I let out a sigh of relief, now I just had to make up the rest of my name, and an address, and then I would be on my way.

"Want me to write it down? So you can have it written, I mean, in case I run", I laughed, giving him the impression that the idea of running away was ridiculous.  
>He just nodded at smiled again. Good, this got me a few more seconds to come up with an address.<p>

He found a piece of paper and a pen, and I began to write;

_Buffy Jean Rosenberg_

_Summer street 2701  
>Green Valley<br>Los Angeles_

I handed him the note and held my hand stretched out for the keys.  
>He looked at the note, and smiled, "Alright, then. There you go. Have a nice drive. See you later".<p>

He turned around and began to walk away, and just as I was about to ask him about the keys, he threw them over his right shoulder. With my slayer reflexes I caught them easily and ran to the car. Great, first part of the plan was taken care of. Now I just needed to get the car far enough away so that I could go through his stuff and see if there was anything there I could use. Just a few miles further down the highway would do. For now, at least.

I got into the driver's seat and started the engine. I drove out to the highway, and now, I was on my way. With a stolen car and a broken heart, but still, I was on my way now.


	5. Chapter 5

_**A/N: Oh wow. This really took a long time to write, and I'm really sorry about that, but the inspiration isn't really anywhere near, and I have a lot to do these days, but I hope the next chapter will be up soon.**_

_**Anyway, this chapter is from Willows POV, and I hope you will enjoy it :)**_

_**Oh, and I have a question for you guys, and it is really important that you answer this because it will decide how this story will develop later on;**_

"_**Should I, or should I not make this a Harry Potter crossover?"**_

_**I already have it planned both ways, but I want your opinions on this since you are the readers, and I want this story to be something you **_**WANT**_** to read, you know. So let me somehow know if you think I should make this a crossover or not :)**_

_**Now it's time to get to the story. Please read and enjoy this :)**_

I woke up as the sun began to rise. I couldn't really explain it, but instantly I felt lonely. I just assumed it was because of the strange dream I had last night. Something about a vampire who had killed everyone I cared about. I sat up in the bed and rubbed my eyes. I yawned and looked around the room.

The first thing I noticed was that Buffy was nowhere to be seen. Was she out hunting vampires again? Probably. It wouldn't surprise me much if she was. She always went outside if something was on her mind. Helped her to get out some frustration.

I stretched out my arms and yawned again as I stretched properly. I felt something in one of my hands as I clenched them together. It was a piece of paper. I gave it a confused look as I unfolded the paper. I began to cry as I read the words, written by the woman I love, just hours ago;

_Willow,_

_I'm really sorry for this, but I need to do it. I can't stay any longer. Please don't blame yourself, it's not your fault.  
>Please tell mum I love her. And tell Giles I'm really sorry.<em>

_And for you, I have to do this. I need to figure out what all of this means. Whatever 'this' is. And I'm sorry I kissed you earlier. I shouldn't have done it, it was just wrong of me._

_I'll see if I can write you a letter or something later, when I'm ready for it._

_I love you, Willow. I have done since the day I first ran in to you._

_Goodbye._

_xBuffy_

"No.. No.. No.. NO!"

I screamed at the final _no_. How could she do this to me? How could she? What had I done her wrong? I cried. And I was sobbing really loud now. I felt my heart breaking over and over every time I glanced at the letter. This was not the way it was supposed to be.

Xander came over to the bed. I guess I had woken him with my sobbing and screaming. Good. I needed someone to tell me this was all a bad dream, and I would soon wake up, and Buffy would be there and the letter would never have been written.

Xander rocked me back and forth for a long time. I couldn't say for how long, because I lost completely track of time, seconds seemed like hours, minutes like days and hours like weeks. We could have been sitting there for days without me noticing it. All I could do was to sob and ask over and over again why she did this to me. And over and over again, he told me he didn't have a clue.

I was glad I had Xander there. I knew this was breaking his heart too, but he stayed strong and just soothed me until I finally managed to pull myself together and pulled away from Xander.  
>I was still sobbing loudly and drying a few tears when I finally managed to speak,<p>

"We should find her. We can't let her be out there on her own. I won't let her. She may be strong and everything, but I can't let her be out there alone. She doesn't have anyone out there, you know"

Xander just looked at me. I was like he was trying to figure out what was going on. At last he gave up and decided to ask instead,

"Willow. What's going on? Did you guys have a fight or something? It's not really any of my business what happened between you, but she was fine last night, and all of a sudden she's running away. This didn't just come out of the blue. Something happened, right?"

I stood up and sighed. I waited a few moments before I said anything. Not sure if I should go for the truth, or just tell him to stay out of it. I was very tempted to go for the latter one, he would know sooner or later either way, but just because of that, I decided to go for the truth.  
>I sighed once more before I told him,<p>

"We kissed last night. Buffy and I. I'm not really sure what it means.. meant.. whatever.. I don't know, all I know is that I guess I always had feelings for her, and I suppose I have been aware of it for a while now, I just never did anything about it, just tried to forget about it and stay friends with her. I guess I assumed it would never go beyond that, but.. I don't know.. Seems like she feels the same way as I do. I think it just came too sudden for her, that she didn't really know what to do, or something like that. I don't know, Xander. I'm just really confused over all of this, and I really need to speak with Buffy about everything, and now I have no idea where to find her, and I really don't know how to get a hold of her, or even begin to look for her. Please help me look for her, Xander. I don't want her to get hurt"

I began sobbing really loud again and fell to the floor. I just couldn't find the energy to stand up a moment longer.  
>Xander came over to where I lay on the floor. He bent down and wrapped his arms around me. He straightened up again and forced me to stand up with him,<p>

"You want to know a secret, Willow?"

I was still sobbing, but I felt much calmer standing there with Xander holding me.  
>I nodded. Not that I really cared for whatever secrets he felt like sharing at the moment, but if it made him feel any better, then go ahead, I wasn't going to stop him.<p>

"She loves you. She always has, you know. Remember before Buffy came along and you had this crazy crush on me?"

Once again I nodded, but I was paying much more attention now that he was speaking about Buffy.

"You had this spark in your eyes. It wasn't there all the time, but whenever you saw me, it was like your eyes begun to sparkle, and all of you lightened up. And you have the same thing going on now; the only difference is that it happens when you see Buffy, not me, and that the spark is so much stronger now, it's such a big difference. And Buffy, well, I saw her a couple of times before you met her, and everything about her was different, but the moment she saw you, well, it was almost like she found hope or something. I don't know. It's not easy to explain, I don't really have the right words, hell, I'm not girl enough to even understand any of this. All I know is that you are in love with her, and she is in love with you. I'm pretty damn sure of that. Now we just need to find her, so you can tell her that, and you guys can live happily ever after or something"

I just sat there, unable to form any words. This was either the worst joke in history, or he was the world's biggest idiot. Either way, he lost.

"Are you serious, Xander? Is that true?"

Poor, naïve Xander just put up a wide grin to me and nodded his head enthusiastically, obviously proud of himself for being so observant,

"Of course it's true. I wouldn't lie to you about something like that, right?"

"You're... Such... An... Stupid... Idiot... Xander!"

I hit him hard in every place I could reach between each word.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! Will, what's wrong?"

He embraced me again tightly, keeping me from hitting him with full force.

"Are you fucking stupid, Xander? How could you say this now? Why couldn't you have said something sooner? You know I have been crushing on her forever, and obviously you knew she has been crushing on me for a while too. Why the hell haven't you said something sooner? We could have fixed it, we could have been okay. She could have been her right now"

The tears were flowing down my cheeks. This was just too much for me. Buffy was gone, she had kissed me less than 12 hours ago, and now Xander was telling me we were crushing on each other and had been since day one. What a great fucking morning already.

"I'm sorry, Will. I just thought you knew, both of you. I mean, how could you not? Both of you lit up like candles. I just didn't think it was a possibility that neither one of you noticed it. I'm really sorry. If I knew you didn't know, I would have told you sooner, both of you".

This made no sense to me whatsoever. He said he was going to tell me a secret?

"What? You said it was a secret? How come you said that if you thought we already knew?"

Xander sighed loudly before he answered;

"I was just trying to get your attention. Look, I'm sorry. I really am. I thought you already knew. If I knew that you didn't know, I would have said something sooner. You and Buffy belong together, and you really should be out there looking for her, not sitting here with me. I understand that you are angry with me now, and I won't blame you for it, but let me come along, and we can look for her together, alright?"

I wanted to beat him senseless. I was so angry with him right now, and I could feel my blood boiling, begging me to hit him, make him pay for not telling me sooner.

I sighed, and decided I could take care of his punishment later when Buffy was back. I was sure she would like to join in if she had at least a little bit of common sense left in her.

"Fine, let's go then. Not that I have any clue of where she would be heading, but perhaps you know? You seem to know a lot without telling anybody about it."

Alright, that probably wasn't very fair of me, but I was so angry with him right now, I just couldn't help myself.

"No, I don't know where she is or where she plans to go. Look, we should go over to Giles' place, maybe he has some kind of idea of where she would go, even just a little clue would be a lot of help right now."

I just nodded to this, not really caring for what he was saying. I just wanted to find Buffy, and anything who took extra time wasn't really time I was willing to waste. But what the hell, the most important thing was to find her in one piece.

We went straight over to Giles' place. He was still asleep when we knocked on his door. Well, 'knocked' isn't probably the right term as we actually tried to tear down his door. But since neither me or Xander has any slayer strength, or any strength at all really, we just banged at his door until he opened it up, still in his pajamas' and his hair in all possible directions. If it wasn't for the fact that Buffy was gone, I would have felt sorry for the guy, but there was no time for that now.

"Giles, Buffy is gone. Got any idea where we could find her? Or how?"

Giles let a giant yawn escape. Well, the first half of it. Midway he stopped; he looked kind of stupid there he stood with his mouth wide open.  
>Suddenly he seemed to realize he was in the middle of a gasp he had long forgotten about and quickly shut it.<p>

"What? Gone? What do you mean? Like on a patrol, right? That could easily be taken care of; she has her beeper, so no worries. I'll contact her right away."

He was on his way to his phone to call her, but Xander spoke before he had managed to pick up the phone;

"No, Giles. Not on patrol. She's gone. Left a letter for Willow, she said to tell you she was sorry. But that's not the point. Buffy is gone, and we really don't know where she's heading. She could be halfway to Timbuktu as we speak for all we know. You have to help us find her."

Giles looked confused,

"But why? She was just fine when I saw her last night. She said she had some unfinished business with you, Willow, but she said everything was fine when I asked her about it."

"It doesn't matter why. Not yet at least, but we need to find her now. We can't let her run around like that on her own. I know she's all strong and superhuman and all that, but we just can't let her do that. Please help us, Giles. I'm begging you,"

I pleaded. This was just too important. Finally Buffy had realized she belonged with me, and because of that, she ran away. We needed to find her, no matter what it took.

"Alright, I'll see what I can do. There is this girl in England I know. She may be able to help us. I will give her a call right away, and see what I can do."


	6. Chapter 6

_**A/N: Alright, here's another chapter for you. It was rather heartbreaking to write, but I got through it. The next one, though, I'm sure will be even worse.**_

_**Now, once again I need to ask you a question. It's the same question as I asked for the last chapter, but I need to know before I can begin to write the next chapter;**_

_**Should I, or should I not make this a crossover with Harry Potter?**_

_**I have ideas for both, but I want the readers to decide what they want to read :)**_

_**If I don't get any answers, I will make a decision and do it the way I want.**_

_**Other than that, please read and enjoy :)**_

I couldn't say for sure where I was heading. I just knew that I wanted to go somewhere warm and sunny. Somewhere far away from where I had spent my past three years. Somewhere far away from where I had found the one person I had been looking for. The one who had completed my soul and my heart.

I felt bad about leaving Willow and Xander. Mostly Willow. She was so good and kind to me, and had taken so well care of me when I needed it the most. She had been my best friend since day one at Sunnydale High, but I knew this was the right thing to do. It had to be. For her own safety.

It would be better like this. For her at least. It had to be. She wasn't safe with me, and that had been proven over and over again since she found out about me being the slayer. She had almost died so many times just because of me and my mistakes. And that was just as a friend. I didn't even dare to think about all the dangers she would be in if I had taken her further in this relationship of ours. She would be killed sooner or later because of it. She was just human after all, she couldn't protect herself from all the dangers out there, no matter how much all of us tried.

Okay, so she did live on the hellmouth, and she knew about this world I lived in, but she was better off with me far away. The demons would always seek after the slayer, not her friends when she had abandoned them.

_Abandoned_.

The word stung inside of me. That was what I had done to them. Abandoned them. Willow. Xander. Giles. I had left them there to deal with the hellmouth all by themselves. But at least they were safer. Well, I hoped they were.

Oh God! Why did I do this? I should turn around and go back right away. I needed Willow by my side. She should be helping me trough the tough times, and I should help her trough her tough times when she needed it. We should build a future together. Get rid of all the vamps and demons and live happily ever after like I have subconsciously been dreaming about for three years now.

Fuck! How did I let things get like this? Okay. Next thing I needed to do now, was to find a payphone. I needed to call home and check out the situation. How broken was she?

I drove on for a few minutes until I saw a phone along the road. I pulled over and nearly jumped out of the car. I stumbled around it, and quickly reached the phone. On my way there, I had realized what time it was, and that Willow most likely was long awake. She was probably over at Giles' and planning how to find me.

I quickly dialed Giles' number. After two rings, a male voice answered;

"_This is Rupert Giles speaking"_

I took a deep breath before I managed to answer;

"Hi. Is Willow there?"

"_Who's there? Who's asking?"_

I took another deep breath. I couldn't tell him who I was, I needed to speak with Willow, and only Willow, and I knew that wouldn't happen if I told him who I was.

"I need to speak with Willow Rosenberg if she's there. Don't worry, I won't hurt you in any way, just let me speak with her. Trust me"

"_Trust you? I don't trust anyone I don't know who is. Who are you? And why do you wish to speak with Willow?"_

"I swear to you, Willow will hate you for all eternity if you won't let me speak with her in private. It's important. I carry a message to her from Buffy"

I regretted those words the moment I said those word. Why did I have to bring up my name? Now I never would get her to speak with me in private.

I heard Giles gasp before he spoke again;

"_Buffy, you say? How do you know her? Where is she? Who are you?"_

"Look Giles, it doesn't matter who I am, how I know anyone or where anyone is. I need to speak with Willow in a private room right this moment"

I was about to get seriously pissed off. Why couldn't he just let me speak with her? This was important. Why couldn't he understand that?

"_Alright, I'll get her right away"_

I heard him call for Willow, then he whispered something to her about me. I couldn't hear what he said, I just heard him say my name a couple of times before I heard a different voice in the phone. The voice I had been craving to hear all along. I pictured her face in my mind, I pictured how worried she probably looked.

"_H-hello? Who am I speaking with?"_

My head began to spin. How could I do this to her? I mentally kicked myself for doing this. But this had to be the right thing. I had to keep telling myself that.

"Are you alone?"

"_Yes. I'm all alone"_

"No you're not. Tell them to leave. Trust me, you don't want them around while you are speaking with me. Nor do I"

She went silent for a few seconds. She was probably waving them away, out of the room. Good. She wouldn't regret that.

"_Okay. I'm all alone now. I swear"_

I believed her this time.

"Good"

"_Who are you? What is this message from Buffy Giles mentioned?"_

"You have to promise to stay calm when I tell you who I am. I don't want Giles or anyone else to know who you are talking to. I mean, you can tell them afterwards, but I really don't want to speak with anyone else than you. Okay?"

She was silent. I imagined her standing there nodding. She had that habit, talking with her body, forgetting that people couldn't see her, just hear what she said.

"Willow. Are you nodding? You have to remember that I can't see what you are doing, just hear you".

"_Oh. Right. Sorry. Yes, I was nodding. I'll stay calm"_

I chuckled a little at this. She was so cute when she did those things.

"Good. Willow, have you guessed who I am yet?"

Silence. She was shaking her head. I was sure.

"Willow?"

"_Yes? Oh, right. You can't see. No, I haven't guessed who you are. I would have guessed Buffy. You sound very much alike her, but you said you carried a message from her, so it can't be her"_

For being such a brainy girl, she was really stupid sometimes.

"It's me. Buffy. I just had to say something to get Giles to let me speak with you"

More silence. I knew she was just standing there now, unable to speak a word.

"Willow? Are you still there?"

"_Y-yes. I'm here. Where are you? When are you coming back? I need you to come back. Where are you?"_

I took a deep breath before I could get myself to answer her;

"I don't know when I'm coming back. I don't even know _if_ I'm coming back. Look Willow, you need to understand that I had to do this. It's for your own safety"

"_No, I don't understand this, Buffy. You need to come back. We need you here. I need you here. You have to come back. Please, Buffy. Please come back"_

My heart broke all over again as I listened to her pleading. I just wanted to cry and tell her I was coming home. But I couldn't. I kept telling myself this was the right thing to do.

"I'm so sorry, Willow. I really am. But this is the safest way. We can't be together, no matter how much I wish we could. I have put you through too many dangers already, and the thought of how much more danger you would be in if we were together, I can't even imagine it. I don't want to put you through this. It's safer this way"

I could hear Willow sobbing on the other end. I knew I was hurting her really bad by saying this and that was killing me.

"Willow. Please understand I'm only doing this for you and your safety. You are in so much danger with me, and I won't be able to live with myself if something were to happen with you. You deserve to live a happy and safe life away from this. You are safe like this. I am so, so very sorry, Willow. I truly am".

I heard more sobbing from her before she managed to choke out a reply;

"_No, Buffy. I'm not in any more danger now than I was before you left. I know of your world now, and that is enough for them to come after us. We are safer with you. Besides, someone will have to slay the vampires when you aren't here, and that will have to be us, or people will die and Sunnydale will be overrun by vampires within a few weeks. You have to come back Buffy, we all need you. I can't live a happy life without you being a part of it. I need you. Please come back"_

Her pleading was heartbreaking. I wanted nothing more than to go back right away and hold her safe in my arms. But I knew that her words were just that, words. Words to make me come back and be with her.

"Willow, I'm sorry, but I can't. Just remember that I love you. I'll call you again soon. I promise"

And with that I hung up.

My legs felt weak, and I couldn't get myself to stand up a moment longer. I fell to the ground and began to cry. The pain I now felt inside of me was worse than anything I had ever felt before, and I was sure it was worse than anything I would ever feel again.

My entire body went numb. Thinking of what I had just done to Willow was too much to bear.

I lost track of time. I had no idea of how long I had been sitting there crying, it could have been hours, even days for all I knew, before I managed to stand up again. I went back to the car and started it. Still crying, I pulled it back on the road and drove on. I drove for several hours. It was long dark when I finally pulled over to a motel. I had ran out of tears and was just sobbing dryly when I got out of the car. I figured I needed some sleep, I was exhausted.

I went inside and rented a room under a false name. Not the same false name I had given that Spike guy, just in case. I had rented a room under the name _Joyce Willow Harris_.

My throat went dry when I said Willow's name, but I got the room, and went for a good nights sleep.


	7. Chapter 7

_**A/N:**____**Alright, so this chapter is rather short, but I need to stop the chapter where I did because of the next one.**_

_**Well, I don't really have anything else to say about this chapter, so just read and enjoy it :)**_

_**WPOV**_

_"Willow, I'm sorry, but I can't. Just remember that I love you. I'll call you again soon. I promise"_

Her words were like knives, they stabbed me so deep in my heart, I was expecting her words to kill me any second now.

I fell down to the floor, unable to keep my tears back. Not that I really wanted to, either. I had to get this out of my system. I had to get her out of my system.

I lay on the floor like this, sobbing, for hours. At least that's how it felt like. Everything went black, I had no idea of how long I lay there or what was going on around me. I was sure both Xander and Giles tried to contact me, but I had no desire to let go of the darkness surrounding me.

At some point I could feel I was running out of tears, and only dry sobbing was coming from deep down in my throat. That was when I decided it was time for me to get up and continue where I had left before the phone rang.

I calmly stood up and went back to the table where all the books and maps were. We had been trying to map out where Buffy was hiding.  
>Slowly I began to clean it all away. Giles and Xander stood in the doorway, looking at me with worried looks. I knew they were there, but at this moment, I really couldn't care any less.<p>

When I had removed everything we had used while trying to figure out where Buffy were, I found a book on spells, deciding to read it just for fun and to try to get my mind off things.

Xander and Giles came over and sat down on each side of me.

"Willow, are you okay? Who was that on the phone? Was it Buffy?" Giles asked.

I continued to read, not really showing any interest in the conversation that was about to develop.

"Yes. She's fine. She might come back some day, but she doesn't even know herself at this point".

My voice was ice cold, and even I was scared about this. This wasn't how I usually was; this was nothing like who I am. I always worried if something was wrong, I cared for the people around me, but now I didn't care about anything. I just wanted to be left alone with my thoughts.

"Willow, please. Talk to us. What did she say? Did she hurt you?"

That was all it took. Why couldn't they leave me alone? They had to see that I just wanted to be alone for a while. I snapped at them.

"Look, Xander, and Giles, too. Buffy said she was fine; we just have to believe her. She told me she wasn't sure when, or even if, she comes back, we need to respect that. It was her choice to run off like a coward, and hell if I'm going to let that ruin me. Let her live her own fucking life. I'm not going to force her back if she doesn't want to. Let her act like this if she wants to. It's her own damn choice".

I took a couple of deep breaths and returned to my reading.

I knew they were exchanging worried glances, but I really couldn't have cared less. If they wanted to go ahead and look for Buffy, then fine, but I weren't going to look any longer, she would come back if she wanted to. I wasn't sure how things would be if she did return, but I was sure it would be awkward, and I was sure that I wouldn't forgive her right away. She knew perfectly well that this was hurting me, and I wanted to make sure she knew very well how much it had hurt me. She was going to hurt about it a lot too.

_This spell is very complicated and difficult. Its purpose is to let the witch or wizard performing the spell know if their lover is their soul mate or not._

_To perform the spell, you must take seven red roses and lay the down in a circle._

_Further you take seven black roses and lay them down in a second circle._

_Put a picture of your lover in each circle,_

_Next you place yourself in the circle of red roses and drink the potion of truth (recipe on page 397)._

_Then you speak this spell;_

"_Guði__frá__norðri,_  
><em>Sýna<em>_mér__andlit__þitt_,  
><em>Segðu<em>_mér__sannleikann_

_Guðir__ást,_  
><em>Sýna<em>_mér__andlit__sem ég__elska_  
><em>Láttu<em>_mig vita__hvað__er sannleikur_

_Guðir__ástríðu,_  
><em>Ég er<em>_sem__ég er_  
><em>Segðu<em>_mér__ef þetta__ást__er__satt_

_Guðir__sannleika_  
><em>Láttu<em>_mig vita_  
>Ef þetta er það sem það er ætlað að vera"*<p>

_If the spell is now done correctly, the black roses now should catch fire as a symbol that the blackness and death of your love is gone, it is a symbol of true love, and how you are soul mates._

The spell fascinated me. I really wanted to try it out; maybe I should do that later tonight?

I may not be very good with magic yet, but still, it could be fun just to try it out, see what happened. I knew I loved Buffy, but I wanted to know if it was the same the other way around, maybe we were soul mates.

Without a word, I shut the book close and stood up. Giles and Xander followed me to the door, I could hear distant mumbling, probably asking me where I was going. As I opened the door, I told them a simple goodbye and left.

I wasn't sure how I had gotten home, but suddenly I was in my room, with seven red roses, and seven black ones. I knew why I had done it, I was going to do the spell, I had to.

I ran back outside and headed to the magic shop, I was sure I could find a vile of truth potion there; after all they had all kinds of weird stuff there, if only you knew where to look.

Five short minutes later I was outside the shop. A bell rang as I opened the door, and a young lady greeted me. I had never seen her there before, so I assumed she was a new employee under training.

I went straight over to the counter and spoke to her;

"Hello, do you have any truth potion? It's for a spell"

She looked confused. I guess she didn't know of the true world, only the imaginary one who had no idea of all the vampires and magic and stuff,

"Excuse me? A spell? Truth potion? I think you have come to the wrong place"

I sighed,

"Just let me speak to Mr. Callaham"

She simply nodded and turned around, heading for the back. A few seconds later Mr. Callaham returned alone.

"Hello there, Miss Rosenberg. How may I help you today?"

"Good evening. Do you have any truth potion available? I need it for a spell I'm going to try out"

He waved for me to follow him,

"Yes, I think I have a vial to two in the back. What spell are you intending to perform? Going to make someone tell the truth, are you?"

"No, sir, I'm just trying a soul mate spell. Nothing big, just want to try it out"

"Ah, young Miss. Summers, am I right?"

This startled me. How did he know? It wasn't like anyone but Buffy knew. Had she been in here after she ran away?

"That is none of your business, Mr. Callaham"

"Ah, so it is, then. How lovely. I have been waiting for you kids to get together; you make such a cute couple"

This startled me even more. What the hell was he talking about?

"Uhm, not really sure what you are talking about there. Will you please just get me the potion and let me go ahead with my business!"

It was more a demand than a question, but he nodded and didn't say another word about the topic.

I paid for the potion and headed straight back home, anxious about getting the spell going. I needed to know if Buffy really loved me or not.

The moment I got home I locked the door to my room and started preparing for the spell.  
>It was now, or never.<p>

* **Gods from north,  
>Show me your faces,<br>Tell me the truth**

**Gods of love,  
>Show me the faces of whom I love<br>Let me know what is the truth**

**Gods of passion,  
>I am who I am<br>Tell me if this love is true**

**Gods of truth,  
>Let me know<br>If this is what it is meant to be**


End file.
